Tell The Internet

In this 21^st century ‘Web2.0 social networking’ twattery world in which we live, the next big thing is only ever just around the corner. For a while it looked like Myspace would rule the roost; then everyone over 13 realised it was just a migraine-inducing way for young boys pretending to be girls to talk dirty with other young boys pretending to be girls and moved onto Facebook.

Facebook was site du jour for a while and claims to have over 200 million active users. But, and it’s a big BUT; many people soon got sick of the enforced changes that made the site a pain to use, the constant barrage of advertising and the general “fuck you” attitude of the people who run it and lo! they leaveth for Twitter.

Facebook hate this. Not least because they have to have constant flow of people through the site so that they can sell page view advertising. So they hit upon a great idea to get people logging in. Somewhere, deep in the code is a tricky little algorithm that randomly disconnects a small percentage of people from the site. Just a tiny amount remember, just 0.0001%.

But, as they happily point out, the average user has 120 friends on the site. And most of these are within a text, tweet, shout across the office, messageboard post or phone call away from being asked “is Facebook down for you as well?”. The friend innocently pops over to check, they log in happily, spend 5 minutes checking their Scrabble game and being advertised at.

Thus Facebook keep their page impressions up…

So, hang on, if pig-death flu is going to kill us all, we all have to get flu shots just in case. But! We know that the flu vaccine causes autism which is also caused by MMR vaccine, does this mean the the NEW WORLD ORDER will be populated by mental kids doing drawings of Westminster Abbey and counting cards in Las Vegas? WAKE UP SHEEPLE!

The headline:

Four university workers ‘killed by radiation from 100-year-old experiments by nuclear pioneer Ernest Rutherford’

“…Radiation from experiments at a university 100 years ago is suspected of causing a cluster of cancer deaths.

Three academics and an assistant have died after working in the laboratory used by Ernest Rutherford at the start of the 20th century. ”

Actual ‘news’ in the article?

However the university confirmed it ordered a decontamination at the Rutherford Building in 1999, but say this was only a precautionary measure as readings taken had never recorded any dangerous levels of radiation.

The Health and Safety Executive say radiation readings in the department are at a completely safe level but they are overseeing a major investigation into whether they could have been dangerous to workers and students in the past.

‘It was surveyed by an independent specialist company as part of the refurbishment in 2006 and some minor contamination - below levels reportable to the Health and Safety Executive - were found in a limited number of locations.

Three of the university’s psychologists - John Churcher, Don O’Boyle and Neil Todd - were so worried about the deaths that they launched their own investigation.

The trio, who also work in the Rutherford Building, published their findings on the internet in June.

They admitted they could find no direct evidence of a link between radioactive contamination and the death of their colleagues.

OH GOD THE RADIATIONS ARE GOING TO KILL US! IS THAT A GIANT ANT! ARRRGGGH GODZILLA!